Depression isn't widely or openly talked about. The feeling of tiredness and helplessness can be consuming. Like you're drowning and your outreached fingers, begging for help, are only inches from breaking the surface. It not only effects day to day activities but also the people you love around you. Without seeking help, over time, depression can eventually effect your physical being, causing a person to become physically ill. stemming from any things in a person's life, it's a chemical imbalance that can be set off from any wide range of regions. Affecting one's self confidence and shattering the very image we may hold of ourselves. Too often sufferers become a victim of this disease. I suffer from depression but I refuse to become a victim of it.
My best friend once asked me "Kelli ray, is it okay for others to judge you?" looking at my hands I replied "No." I sounded so small, frail. "Then why is it okay for you to judge yourself?" It clicked. All this time, I was so upset over people judging me on my past and even though it is done and over with and there is no going back to fix anything, still holding it against me. I, myself was still holding onto the judgement. Holding it above my own head. Punishing myself for learning and living. What matters now? What matters is that the person I once was, is no longer the person I am today. Yes, it did shape me into the person I am now, I have learned a great deal from my past mistakes, promising myself and others that I will not make those same mistakes. Growing from a child into a woman.
"I am today what yesterday has made me; Tomorrow I will be changed by today's experiences."
- Author Unknown
People are not forgiving, but I have been forgiven for my sins. I asked the Lord into my heart and I have been washed away of sin. I started on a new path walking beside my Lord to be guided through this life. I live for Him, in hopes that I can be a better person not only for myself, but for my husband, children, family and friends. Every time I speak His name the love and warmth I feel is uplifting and Through Him I am ridding myself of these demons within.
