At Long Last;

Finally, the days of pop sicles, short shorts and bikini tops. Going to the beach, grilling hot dogs and hamburgers, bon fires, the occassional alcohol beverage, pony tails and flip flops, side walk chalk and running through the sprinkler. It's summer my friends. I haven't had the time or energy to post anything recently, but here is to lost time under the sun with a good book in hand and the perfect tan.

July has been a sweet and cool soft patch of green grass. I lay sprawled out soaking in July. The hot, citrus sun with the sweet smell of freshly cut grass, dewed over by the long cool night floating carelessly through the light breeze. The smell of sulfer still lingers there somewhere in between deep breathes. It's the only thing left besides the memory of rainbows exploding against the black sky, the oh's and awe's still echo quietly in my mind. I'm very pleased to announce that this year there were no ambulances involved.

This post is short & sweet (much like me) I've got summer time activities to get back to. Until next time my dears!

Here it goes again,

It's about that time that I start doing the things that make me.. Me. Creativity has always ran thick through my veins and it's been so long since I've created something with these two hands. Trial and Error, right?

If I am not shown something, I can usually look once or twice and either figure out how it's done or create something similar with my own unique twists. I've been thinking long and hard lately and it's time to make some changes. With spring blowing in it seems to me that now is the perfect time to start rolling out all my old arts and crafts supplies, the sewing machine and maybe even purchasing a few new gadgets and thing-a-ma-bobs. Of course I have plenty of room to self improve not just with my creativity of creating, but also the creativity of living. I'm not sure how to explain what I mean by that, but actions certainly speak louder than words.

First off, I'm composing a list. Odds & Ends, Do's & Don't's, Wish I could, Need to do's. Seems like it's going to be a big mess to sort through. Oh well, that's just me, a Messy mind. Call me Crazy and I'll admit I'm a Genius! I have so many plans and not enough time or energy! Well, Tonight is my night!! I can feel it! The creativity is back and I've got plenty of inspiration to lead me through my next couple of projects. Some of the things I will be making within the next few hours, some of them I will complete in a few days, other's I will be looking into so that I can learn how to's and hopefully complete within the coming weeks! I'm getting so excited, a little too excited for this hour of night but here it comes! I will be posting photos of my complete projects in the coming posts, I really can't wait to share them and I hope you really like what I do! Jesus, I can't stop smiling!!

And it Never Ends!

If it's not one or the other.. it's both. I'm talking about my children. I swear sometimes Boston and Marleigh are already teaming together, against me. I figured this would eventually happen but come on! They are already making me crazy and they don't even realize it! Or do they? Between the two of them I am stretched for time, energy and sanity! There aren't enough hours during the day to get everything I would like to get done.

i.e I still have boxes to unpack, decorations to hang & clothes to be separated and hung in the closets. We need a new mattress for Boston's bed, a new toddler bed at that. I still have yet to go to my mother's house and clean out the old toy box so that Boston's room doesn't look like a tornado blew it's way through it. Marleigh's clothes are half hung but I need a book shelf for all their books, and shelves in general so I can display their fan freaking tastic photos we had taken. Travis and I need to get some boxes out of our room, and I need to go shopping for our personal bathroom since I decided that the guest bathroom needed our nice decorations and shower curtain. I know I am forgetting about a million other things, but honestly everything is coming together quite nicely. All in good time my friends and we will be completely settled into our home. The moment I unpack that last box will be the day that I get to kick my feet up and relax.. NOT! With two kids and a handsome hubby I never get to fully relax! So on edge have I been lately. I am terribly anxious to get everything done and at the same time I want to see my friends and family.

Like today for instance, instead of dedicating the late afternoon to unpacking and getting things in order we got a very surprising (but welcomed!) visit from my good friend Jessica and her handsome little man Kade. Boston was pretty happy to see his lil pal and I was completely ecstatic that she dropped in. It felt so good when she told me "we were going to church but they were locking up, so we thought we'd stop by and visit." completely warming my heart that hey, we live close enough for that to happen. I loved it! Once again so pleased to be home!! So I happily pushed my 'chores' onto tomorrow, today is all we have, why waste time when amazing things are happening? As for tomorrow, I think I just might procrastinate yet another day if it's nice enough for a walk to Grandma Laura's house maybe I can get something done, like that toy box I mentioned earlier!

All I have to say is, Not having enough time to work during the day isn't always a bad thing. Especially when it's because you are filling the day with Great Fun Things!

Demons within

Depression isn't widely or openly talked about. The feeling of tiredness and helplessness can be consuming. Like you're drowning and your outreached fingers, begging for help, are only inches from breaking the surface. It not only effects day to day activities but also the people you love around you. Without seeking help, over time, depression can eventually effect your physical being, causing a person to become physically ill. stemming from any things in a person's life, it's a chemical imbalance that can be set off from any wide range of regions. Affecting one's self confidence and shattering the very image we may hold of ourselves. Too often sufferers become a victim of this disease. I suffer from depression but I refuse to become a victim of it.

My best friend once asked me "Kelli ray, is it okay for others to judge you?" looking at my hands I replied "No." I sounded so small, frail. "Then why is it okay for you to judge yourself?" It clicked. All this time, I was so upset over people judging me on my past and even though it is done and over with and there is no going back to fix anything, still holding it against me. I, myself was still holding onto the judgement. Holding it above my own head. Punishing myself for learning and living. What matters now? What matters is that the person I once was, is no longer the person I am today. Yes, it did shape me into the person I am now, I have learned a great deal from my past mistakes, promising myself and others that I will not make those same mistakes. Growing from a child into a woman.

"I am today what yesterday has made me; Tomorrow I will be changed by today's experiences."
- Author Unknown

People are not forgiving, but I have been forgiven for my sins. I asked the Lord into my heart and I have been washed away of sin. I started on a new path walking beside my Lord to be guided through this life. I live for Him, in hopes that I can be a better person not only for myself, but for my husband, children, family and friends. Every time I speak His name the love and warmth I feel is uplifting and Through Him I am ridding myself of these demons within.

Update!

This has been a very long and exhausting week! I do apologize for my lack of posts so here is my update of everything that has happened this week;

We traveled 741 miles from California to Utah, it was a long trip but we made it in two days having stopped in Mesquite, Nevada for the night. The road trip was fun, we (Travis, my little sister Madi, Boston, Marleigh and myself) played games, listened to music and sang our favorite songs. Stopping frequently to stretch our legs, grab a bite to eat & take potty breaks. Surprisingly Boston and Marleigh did very well on the road and we didn't have one single episode of motion sickness!

Arriving in Ogden, we weren't even in town for five minutes before we were pulled over for speeding. I guess that California Speed Demon in Travis wasn't left in California. Thankfully we got a police officer who was observant enough to notice that Travis was military and we pretty much were let off the hook. Woohoooo! Signing for our lovely  home was a breeze and we started moving all of our belongings in immediately! it only took a couple hours to unpack our entire lives! Boxes stacked in every room, I quickly went to work putting things in their place when a surprise visit from my dearest friend Shaley quickly put my jump back into my step! The sweet heart she is, helped me navigate boxes to their appropriate places and even helped me unpack a lot of our stuff and set things up. Especially our crazy and confusing coffee table and side tables which took us a while because I kept messing them up! Despite our frustration we had a lot of fun spending time together, talking and laughing all the while.

Everything is starting to come together nicely. I still have a lot of things to do before our house becomes a home and I can't wait to put the finishing touches up. It's fairly late right now, but I will press on both blogging and unpacking. Our living room is complete at the moment, but I still have to put some order to our walk in closet (my very first walk in closet!) and boy do I have a lot of clothes! I thought I realized how much clothing I had when I packed it away but seeing the boxes and totes stacked up in the corner has really put it into perspective for me! I have more clothes than Boston, Marleigh and Travis COMBINED! But hey I sure do look dang cute! Travis bought us a new bed set and it is so pretty! I thought he would have a fit if I picked anything girly but he willingly allowed me to purchase a lavender comforter set and beige and dark gray bedding with two very girly accent pillows! He is such a sweet heart and such a guy because apparently, design doesn't mean much to him. I'm glad he handed over the reigns because our house looks amazing already and I'm not even finished putting everything up! Boston's bedroom is of course, filled with toys. His favorites; Blocks, Bro-by, car, stuffed monkey and dinosaur tent all down and within reach. He is one happy little boy. Marleigh's adorable bed set is finally out of the bag and being used, I'm sure she loves it because I sure do! It looks so great on her cherry wood crib I couldn't have picked a better nursery set! I would like to thank Grandma Gaylene and Aunt Cris once again for gifting the beautiful bed set!

I'm so excited, the other day I registered for school and I can't wait to get back into the classroom. I know it's going to be hard but it's also going to be so worth it! This girl is going back to school! Bettering my own life and the life of my children and husband.

Happy to be back in Ogden, the town I love so dearly. What makes it so much better is that I have my beautiful little family by my side. I'm so happy that Travis will be getting a civilian job, meaning no more crazy hours, duty, fire watch or field missions! More time for hugs and kisses, days at the park, walks in the evenings and some good old fashion fun with our many, many friends! What's really great is that Boston has little buddies around here too! A couple of my good friends have children right around Boston's age so now he won't be stuck with me 24/7. Play dates are already in the making! Actually, a lot of big plans are in the making. School, play dates, my birthday, girl's night out, dinner parties with family and friends. Summer will be here soon and so that means even more fun is to be had. BBQ's, trips to the beach etc. etc. I absolutely LOVE being home. I missed the crazy weather, already endured a snow storm and although it irritated me I secretly loved it but you won't hear me admit that out loud. I love waking up each morning to see the majestic mountains. I can't tell you all how much I really love the fact that I am so close to my mother and father, a short drive from all my cousins and just minutes away from all my friends.

I feel as though I am repeating myself at this point a sign that it is time to end this post with... I'm home, I'm here to stay and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life!

Faith;

Noun.
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.without Proof. 

Rambling a Move

Bags packed, boxes stacked, which box does this go in again? I  know I put that marker here.. I ... Can't... Get this... Stupid... Tape.... to let go.. of my.. freaking... FINGERS!

My sloppy handwriting scrawled along the side of boxes in thick and stinking permanent marker. Blacked out labels from the previous move and extra tape patched up roughed up edges. My Rainbow is light brown card board boxes with forest green bold letters, midnight black permanent marker, shinny tape, bright green "bathroom"- deep red "kitchen"-orange "bedroom"- florescent yellow "living room" labeled taped. It's kind of pretty against my now unclouded, uncluttered, photoless white walls. Which reminds me that I should fill in those nail holes before I forget. Tomorrow. Mental note, no I'll forget, I really have to write that down... Where did I put that marker at again?

 I maneuver around boxes, piles of sweet smelling fresh laundry and I think to myself six more days. Six! Six days (Including today!) Truth be told, along the organized mess and excitement that is scattered all over my apartment and soul.. I'm a wreck. I can't believe I've managed to pack this much on so little sleep, with a smiley, very curious little man (who insists on putting random things into the inappropriate box and taking the right things that are in the right boxes.. out.) and a very demanding recently turned four month old, slobbering Princess. I have more than enough on my mind, but I can't stop adding more thoughts into the pot. Things like,  how on earth am I ever going to pack everything alone? The long drive back to Utah with my mother and younger sister. Will the babies behave? Will we have any car troubles? What if Travis forgets to lock the latch on the truck and all our belongs scatter across the highway? Oh man! That really would suck! How long until I can make our house, a home? What fun adventures await us in Ogden?? Now that is where my mind Really goes crazy.

My heart and mind spiral out of control as millions of memories are conjured up out of the deepest places in my soul. Spring coming to life from the dead of Winter, raining softly into a hot, hot Summer, which eventually melts into a slow death called Fall, only to be met once again with a funeral, Winter. This beautiful cycle holds so many ...

I'll be done soon, all this packing has really worn me out. Hopefully when I close my eyes and nod off to sleep, my subconsciousness will allow me to drift away from reality and not deal with these over powering thoughts and emotions until I wake up. Better yet, I pray that I will be shown the right answers on how to deal with it all. I would like nothing more at this time than to be guided, relieved of all my worries.

Wordless Wednesday

Lasting Love;

I couldn't help myself, my house is still decorated with little hearts, reds, pinks and whites. Why? partially because I am slightly lazy and the other half I just LOVE, Love! I don't want to take them down, I am determined to celebrate Valentine's day for the entire month of February! How am I to accomplish this? Lots of candies, cut out hearts, sugar cookies decorated in red frosting, love letters every day to Travis and a playlist of the gushiest love songs known through time. Call me crazy and I will happily thank you.

Love is in the Air;

Today is the one day where we are encouraged to be brazen and confess our undying love and affection for another being. To wear our heart on our sleeve and speak the words that will melt forever into our lovers soul. Ah, the reds, whites & pinks of Valentines day, the sparkling hearts and googly eyes, romantic candle light dinners and champagne flutes bubbling golden nectar. Valentines cards and candies, sweet chocolate covered strawberries and the deep red roses. Ahh, Love. El Oh Vee Ee. We love our significant other's, even though at times we feel as though they may not be deserving of it, we love our children because they are a part of us, walking, talking (or in Marleigh's case wiggling, cooing) mini me's. We love our family even through times they are crazy and out of line. We love our friends because they are the only ones we can actually choose to have in our lives but most importantly, we ourselves are loved. That is what we have to keep in mind. So if you are one of the unlucky ones who don't have someone to hold onto this Vday don't worry your little heart, because chances are, there are some very deserving somebodies within arms reach for you to love. So grab them quick! before they get picked up and give them a tight squeeze, tell them you love them and make sure they know! Grab some paper & crayons pull out those three lovely love colors, and start doodling hearts around their name. List the things you love about them most. When they see all the reasons why you love them, I'm sure it'll make their heart sing! Happy Valentines Day Everyone, if you are reading this, I just want to tell you now in case I don't get to tell you later, that I Love YOU, with all of my heart, forever and always,
Kelli Ray

After Every Storms Comes a Rainbow.

What goes great on a rainy day? A nice hot & steaming cup of Nostalgia. I'm sitting here in my computer nook with the window open looking out over this very cold and cloudy gray day. Smells of the damp earth and wet cement are something I love and cherish the most about rainy days. I can't help but to compare today's weather to how I feel on the inside; cold, colorless, lack of sunshine. I wanted a better look at how my day would go, time to pull my husband's standard green USMC sweat shirt over my messy hair, walking out my side door and into the chill. I sit on my bar stool, legs crossed hugging them to my chest listening to the rain beat the pavement, forming puddles. It's all so sad and quite depressing. I can't help myself, I close my eyes and let my thoughts travel back home. Weather like this in Ogden I'd be making a hot cup of tea to warm my hands and to sip while I talked to my mama in the safety and comfort of our drive way. Her sweet cigarette aroma like her laugh, would fill the car port before being whisked away by a sudden breeze. Even though the sun was hiding and the wind chilled our bones, we would still smile and laugh together. Utah has a distinct smell that I will never forget, it smells like corn fields and on a rainy day, it is more noticeable than ever. Eyes still closed I take a deep breath and breathe in this cold crisp ocean air, so different from my home and that's when I heard it. A song of encouragement and I was inspired. Even through this heavy down pour the birds were still singing, coaxing the sun out from behind the clouds. If my little feathered friends could sing through the dark days, so can I. I made up my mind. I'll be home soon, and my sunshine will be bright and happy. What I went through was The Storm, exhaling I decided that what comes next, is my Rainbow. I opened my eyes, it's the same view I saw  when I closed my eyes, but it's a different perspective. The whole world is changed and I am excited to get on with things. :) 

Something to Smile about!

So everything was really quiet in the world of Kelli, I was so happy to finally catch a break & relax when suddenly I realized that I hadn't put Boston down for his nap so there is no way that the little guy could be up to ANY good if the house was THIS quiet. I started looking for my little man, terrified that he got a hold of my pack of markers and snuck off to his room. Horrifying images of permanent markers coloring viciously all over my White walls and soft beige reading couch. I crept slowly awaiting what seemed to be a certain doom. "Huh.. he's not in his room. Oh lord! he's in MY room!" I thought to myself how horrible it is going to be to have to try to explain to my husband that Boston destroyed our bedroom, or worse.. our white sheets!! Flinging open the door & frantically searching my room I realized that Boston was still no where to be found. Then I heard a delightful giggle.. it was coming from .... The Bathroom. Scared of what I might find. Lotion sprayed on the walls..? Toilet paper decorating the floor? Or Shampoo covering every surface? I hesitated before I opened the door, ready to wince at the massive destruction that I just knew was behind it. Slowly and quietly I pushed forward. Low and behold there was my munchikin... Brushing his Teeth!!! not a single mess to be found! Smiling I asked him what he was doing, and all I got in return was a cheesy grin. Did I mention that it was a very Clean cheesy grin? 

One Step Closer

I have a very special love for photos and journaling. I really enjoy spending hours upon hours laying on my belly propped up on my arms, floating in the middle of the carpet surrounded by stock paper, buttons, scissors,stickers, glue, ribbons.. hundreds of pens and photos. Listening to music, bobbing my head to the beat and tapping my toes in the air. I don't mind that the glitter sticks to every inch of my exposed skin or the occasional paper cut either. I love making journals. I like to sit down and turn through the pages, getting lost in all the bright and happy memories I've shared with the ones I love the most. Letting the good over shadow the very little bad I've gone through and just remembering why I love my family & friends so damn much. That's why I was so excited to finally get all of my photos off my phone and onto disks, so that I may soon journal them. A whole year's worth of photos, very well over a thousand photos. And silly me, I figured twenty minutes in CVS transferring them from phone to a single disk was all it was going to take. Realistically it was over an hour, involved seven disks and a very seemingly annoyed cashier. I giggle thinking about that hour I spent joking around, talking with my very good friend Angela and how I wish I had some pictures of THAT! It's almost time to wipe clean my memory in my phone so I can start with a new slate and whole 'nother year worth of great memories..

as for the pictures I now have on seven shiny cd's.. I can't wait to put them in my book! marking more chapters of my life ;)

New beginnings

The Holiday Season is finally over. Christmas came and went in a blur of familiar faces, wrapping paper, giggles, smiles and bright eyes. This past year we spent the Holiday with my family in Utah. I was so happy to be back home, traveling down familiar streets, seeing old smiles & making runs with my favorite girls to my favorite coffee shop and get my favorite thing.. a pedicure. Above everything.. I ... Love ... being Home. But, I would have loved it ten times more.. if it had snowed. Yes, another year without a white Christmas. This year is my year though. Snowy Christmas 2012! WOO! I have another twelve months to look forward to all this mayhem. Oh the TERROR! The irritable shoppers, shoulder to shoulder crowds in department stores. I don't even want to deal with all of that this year. Maybe I'll make home made gifts. Something from the heart. Tender. So I did something new! Celebrated a late Christmas in January with Travis' side of the family. It was nice. Okay I lied, it was Amazing! Can't wait to do it 2013. Being home again is a great feeling though. I'm glad to be back here, sleep in my own bed, cook whatever I want, clean up after my messy Boston. Just Me things. Like blogging. :)

New Years Resolutions? I made a list. Ripped it out of my journal, crinkled it up and tossed it into my recycling bin. Thought for a bit and decided on a new list. Played with a few ideas, and decided on three words.. Believe in Yourself. It's completely fitting, anything I want to do I can do it. Anything I want, will be mine. I just have to believe in myself, and obviously hard work goes hand in hand with dedication. I can do anything. Anything is just what I'm going to do this year. Wish me luck!